The Superglued Moogle Mascot Mystery
by Emerald-Latias
Summary: When a Moogle mascot infiltrated her Chocobo-themed party, Selphie Tilmitt took matters into her own hands. And now she had the fuzzy culprit right where she wanted them. Written for the KupoCon fanworks challenge.


If looks could kill, Selphie's ear-to-ear Cheshire grin was attempted murder. Mostly because the Chocobo beak she was wearing obscured pretty much everything below her eyes. The flock of yellow feathers in her hair didn't exactly scream threatening either, it mostly screamed too much hair product, but alas, Selphie was elated.

Out of sheer dumb luck, she'd managed to bum rush the Moogle into the oversized kitchen pantry, ending their reign of terror and thunder-stealing.

Selphie lowered her elastic-bound beak as she shut the door behind her.

"Jig's up, Moogle. You have no opposable thumbs and no way of getting out of here unless you co-operate with me. Tell me who you are and who sent you. Or strip. The choice is yours."

Moogle shook their head defiantly. Selphie raised a brow.

"Holy Carbuncle, you're serious business, aren't you? I mean, I know my mascots – you shouldn't have been able to do that with the Mr. Moogle Model YRP-Mark III without the head shifting."

She drifted towards the mascot and nudged the head with an open palm to no avail. Then she tried yanking it off altogether with both hands and ended up with the same result – the damn thing must have been superglued on. Even still, the strangest thing wasn't that the head didn't even budge a fraction of an inch but rather that the person inside it was just as motionless. Involuntary beheadings were a mascot-wearer's greatest fear no matter who they were. At the very least, Moogle's instinct, regardless of their apparent and excessive use of superglue, should have been to clutch at their head.

But remaining totally calm with unflappable faith in their costume's durability? Unheard of.

Selphie crossed her arms as she casually mulled over this ever-thickening plot, giving the Moogle another once over.

"Even if I couldn't unmask you, I did feel some part of your noggin hit the upper-middle part of the head when I tried taking it off so you're not super short. So…this rules out the possibility that you're my arch-nemesis Wimbly. Then again, that's a little too conspiracy-theory-ish even for me so…hey - don't you dare facepalm when I talk!"

Before she could even wag her finger for emphasis however, a loud series of knocks on the door claimed her attention. Selphie's stomach and pointer finger sunk upon the realization that she hadn't locked it in her gleeful haste. And despite her effort to leap to the other side of the room in a half-second, the door opened before she could make it there.

When she saw that the interloper was someone with a shock of pearl-white feathers and jet-black hair through the widening crack of the door, Selphie started to deflate.

It seemed as though Rinoa found her at last, surely to play the angel on her shoulder. Or rather the white Chocobo flapper girl crossover version of that. But to Selphie's surprise, she closed the door behind her even though she didn't really look all that impressed with her.

Busted.

"I look the other way for one second and you go off chasing this poor Moogle." she chided. "Selphie…what is maiming him going to achieve? The poor guy probably just wanted to fit in but didn't have a Chocobo costume."

Selphie's ears prickled at the words. "…You said he, him and guy. So you know Moogle is a Mr. Moogle?"

" _Selphie…"_

She could practically feel the facepalm emanate from her friend's voice. Even still, she just… _didn't_ understand.

"Rinoa, if it was that, I would have been totally cool with it. The more the merrier, you know? Besides, the little yellow chocobo fanny pack Mr. Moogle has on is cute and I would have totally made him an honorary Chocobo at Wark This Way in that case. But this is not that." Selphie started to explain before pointing her right finger straight at Moogle's face. "This hug-giving, fist bump-bestowing, hi-fiving Moogle is trying to go after my Garden Festival feather crown. I have many enemies, Rin. Even more when I decided this would be the theme this year instead of Merry Moogle Masquerade. When you factor that in, I can't overlook the very-real possibility that this person in a _Moogle_ mascot costume with a superglued head is trying to sabotage me _and_ my chances at adding a Chocobo petting zoo next year by gunning to be the center of attention."

"…Beyond this sentence, I have no words for what I just heard Selph." The sorceress looked beyond her to the object of her derision. " _Moogle_ , I apologize for my friend. She's running on practically no sleep the past few weeks since she decided to run the entire festival by herself after dismissing all her helpers."

"Like I had a choice – their utter lack of commitment was about to ruin everything!" the brunette corrected, lowering her hand simply to ball it into a fist at her side. "It had to be done!"

Rinoa couldn't help but sigh as she walked past her entirely. "You fired them because they wouldn't paint backdrops at 3 am." she casually pointed out before reaching out to Moogle's paw. "C'mon Moogle, let's get you out of-"

She stopped mid-sentence when Moogle bat her hand away and shook their head once more. Before she could even ask why, the mascot sidestepped around her, and walked towards Selphie at a slow, deliberate place until they were close enough to just be within arms' reach of each other. The sorceress couldn't help but turn around, all while wondering what the heck was going through that Moogle's mind to dismiss the free ticket she offered to escape this predicament. Judging by Selphie's current bemused facial expression, Rinoa hazarded a guess that she wasn't the only one feeling this way.

And she guessed that this feeling only intensified for her friend when Moogle decided to extend their arms in the universal, _'give me a hug'_ gesture. Rinoa couldn't decide if this stab at a peace offering was genius or insanity as she raised a hand over pursed lips and side-stepped to the left so she could continue watching the madness unfold with an unobstructed view.

In a split second, the confusion written on Selphie's face was wiped clean and replaced with a more disgruntled look as she remained motionless in some kind of bid to hold her ground and start a stare down. This lasted for a good ten seconds before Moogle must have decided Selphie had blinked and took a half-step closer, arms still raised.

When Selphie remained resolute, Moogle took another half-step forward. Eying her now-trembling but still-clenched fist, Rinoa prayed that Moogle's head could withstand the faintest possibility of a right hook if the intense stress of the past few weeks clouded her judgement enough.

" _I'm sorry, kupo."_

A moment after the high-pitched apology broke the silence like a popped party balloon, Rinoa noticed Selphie began to tremble more. It wasn't confined to her balled hand either - her face was struggling to maintain the ire and indignation. The corners of her lips kept sporadically quirking upwards despite blatant efforts to anchor them down. The gap between her fingers and the distance separating them from her palm widened in between concentrated attempts to tighten the slack.

But once the first giggle escaped, it was all over. The smile remained and the fist reverted to an open hand, her resolve effectively gone for good.

"Ok, so maybe…I was overreacting about that whole, ' _you're out to get my feather crown'_ thing. Just a little." she sheepishly admitted before she let her grin grow even larger. "C'mere, you big lug!"

When Selphie practically tackled Moogle as she accepted the hug, Rinoa let out a long-drawn exhale and a few nervous giggles of her own. Never had she never felt so much relief over something so ridiculous in her life.

After the hug had naturally run its course, Rinoa walked past the mascot and over to Selphie.

"I think you should do the honors."

She shot the sorceress an incredulous look. "But I haven't even gotten around to finding out-"

" _Selphie…_ "

"Ok, ok! I'll do it. Jeez."

Despite how loudly the front of her chunky heels repeatedly hit and scuffed the floor in protest, Selphie made good on her words as she sulked over to the door and opened it wide.

"You're free to go, Moogle. Drive safe if you don't live on campus."

"And by safe, what she means is get a taxi. 'Cause driving with a mascot head stuck on is the opposite of that." Rinoa wryly pointed out. Unsurprisingly, the brunette shot her a dirty look for the comment.

"Yeah sure, what she said."

" _Will do, kupo."_

With a hearty wave to Rinoa and a nod to Selphie, Moogle left the room - the former thankful that the latter had the decency not to tail them. Instead, she simply gestured to the retreating mascot.

"I didn't want to say it earlier but, is it just me or did Moogle sound a lot like Irvy? You know, like the time I accidentally-on purpose kicked him in the cowboys?"

Rinoa waited a few seconds before answering. "Yeah…now that you mention it, it kind of does. But isn't he on that mission with Squall until tomorrow?"

"Yeah but it's not completely unheard for them to come back earlier if it goes well."

"But…if that was the case, wouldn't Squall be home too then?"

"Not really. I remember a bunch of times where Irvine's left earlier because they only needed a sniper for part of a mission since he made SeeD." she explained. "Anyway, Mr. Kinneas is soooo gonna get the Trabian Inquisition when he comes home from that, quote-unquote, _'mission that ends tomorrow._ '"

"…And if it actually was a, quote-unquote, _'mission that ends tomorrow?'_ "

"I'll cross that bridge when I get there." she answered with a shrug. "Anyway, we should probably get out of this pantry before someone accuses us of stealing hot dogs."

The sorceress sighed under her breath as they both walked out of the room. There was no changing Selphie Tilmitt's mind sometimes.

-—-

When Rinoa retired to the guest dorm she'd been assigned to much later that evening, she had two thoughts on her mind.

The first was whether or not she could take these heels off without bending over.

And the second?

Wondering if it was a good idea to wake Mr. Moogle.

After shedding the heels, which did require bending, she walked over to the mascot slumped over the dining room table and gently nudged his shoulder.

"Where's _my_ hug?" she teased.

"After you Dispel the spells on the mascot head so I can take it off, kupo."

Rinoa couldn't help but snicker. "Not sure what's weirder, hearing your normal voice in that mascot or the really high one you busted out when Selphie wouldn't hug you. Didn't realize it could go that high."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures." he shrugged as he straightened himself. "Does she have any idea it was me?"

"No. Selphie's convinced it was Irvine pulling a prank on her. Apparently that voice sounds a lot like him when he's kicked…in a certain place. She has no idea she hugged you." she answered. "And to be quite honest, if you hadn't told me about your plan to go undercover to help her, even I wouldn't have guessed it was you, Squall."


End file.
